There is a very controversial case that just ended in Missouri. According to the news reports, a 39 year old man pleaded guilty to 3 felony counts of sexually molesting a young girl for 8 years, from the age of 6 to 14. The judge decided the man “presented no clear and present threat to the community” and let him off with 5 years of probation. You can see a video about this at http://www.fox4kc.com/news/wdaf-story-molester-sentence-090909,0,6782548.story
I cannot help but wonder when I read stories like this about who is really protecting our children. I think about this girl who was molested for 8 years. What will happen to her? How will she cope with life? Are other children near this convicted felon really safe?
I get so frustrated. It is said that 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused, and 1 in 7 boys. The only way this will stop is if victims start talking about it. Most victims feel too ashamed. They somehow think it is their fault that this happened to them. They keep the secret, and the secret keeps them!
Help children you work with to feel safe, to be protected, and nurtured. Take a stand and let your voice be known when you hear of situations that are unsafe for children. Together, we can all make a difference to ensure that all children grow up protected.
Have a great day. You are a difference maker.
Maryln
Thursday, October 15, 2009
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15 comments:
I was molested by an uncle for 18 months, it started when I was 11. It was devastating, however, I was in college before I told anyone. My sister and mother were shocked. I think we should encourage other men and women who have been molested to share their story. It helps in the healing process. Thank you for sharing this today. It's time. Take your stand. Children need it desperately.
You are so right. It is a huge step in the healing process to stand up and say, "This happened to me." It actually begins the healing in a big way because the "secret" is let out.
Thanks for your sharing your story.
After I was abused when I was 9 I didn't realize that I hadn't done anything wrong. I thought it was my fault and when I grew older it seemed to me an unpleasant consequence of some 'friendships' I had. I believed I caused these reactions because of the way I looked, or something I said or did.
It wasn't until twenty two years later that I told someone and discovered it was not my fault.
This has impacted my whole life and I deal with it in some way every day.
I pray that the children affected by this man learn they can arm themselves in a healthy way to deal with the experiences.
My daughter was abused by her own father for years. When the truth came out this was not swept under the rug. Her father accepted a plea bargain and was sentenced to 15 years in prison.
Her life has been a series of ups and downs including drugs and many failed relationships. She is getting herself together,working and going to college. She needs to go to some extensive counseling at this point in her life for relationships problems and anger. She has moved on but it has affected her and will continue.
This has affected the whole family.
It is common that children think it is their fault that they have been abused. A neat thing you can do now is to get out a picture of yourself as a child. Look at that photo with compassion, and say, "It wasn't your fault." When you see the innocence in your face as a child, it helps the healing.
The most important thing is to speak out. The more you talk about it, the less shame, and soon something special starts to happen, and you start to like yourself more and more. It is also very important to protect children by speaking out. They learn they have the right to say "no." They have the right to "tell someone."
Thanks for speaking up.
To the mom whose daughter was abused by her dad, I hope you too can forgive yourself. I pray that your daughter will be able to find happiness.
I have heard the saying that "resentment is a poison that the person who is resentful, swallows."
While it is important to protect children, to take a stand, to talk about these things, it's also important to do forgiveness work and to move on into new beginnings. It's important to not not allow the effects of one person who did something very wrong in the past, wreck the present and the future. One way to start living more in "today" would be for your daughter and for all family members to make a "gratitude journal," writing daily all the good things that happened that day for which you are grateful. It is a little thing, but very very powerful.
I am currently in a hard position right now. I have a child in my preschool class that I have suspicion that she is being molested. There is no physical evidence and she has not said anything directly, but has made some suspicious comments and has had some concerning behavioral changes including regression and resorting into her own world. We have called DHS but they believe there is not enough evidence to render an investigation at this time. It kills me allowing this child to go home where she is not safe. We are trying all of our resources to help this family but we keep coming to dead ends. We are really at a loss of what to do.
I have two situations right now. I'll be very brief. My daughter in law is verbally abusive to her son, my step son. I dare not say anything because she is constantly trying to turn my son against the family. My son is blind to her faults. He will always defend her.
The second situation is my ex husband molested my daughter as well. She never talks to me, has never admitted anything and I'm just worried about her. What do you advise for these two situations?
To the teacher with a preschooler you suspect is being sexually abused:
I suggest you make a list of all the symptoms. There must be something that is making you so suspicious. Write them all down. Then when you contact DHS, tell them it is in writing, and mail them a copy. There are so many problems across the US now with DHS not doing proper investigation, that it may spur them on to action.
Also, as you make this list, you may discover that there really is no concrete evidence of sexual abuse. If that is the case, there is nothing you can do. Sometimes, something may look like one thing, but be something else.
To the woman with two situations:
As far as your daughter-in-law and step-son is concerned, I would suggest being loving and supportive but staying out of their business unless your stepson comes to you. Adults who are married really need to work out their own situations, and just need to know there is someone who cares for them.
The case with your daughter is more complicated. If you know for a fact that your ex-husband molested her, she is probably angry with you. Lots of times, children whow have been molested, will be more angry with the other parent, the parent who did not protect them. I would suggest apologizing to her and telling her you wish it had not happened. That may start her on her healing. Healing occurs best when there is forgiveness of all parties involved.
Hope this is helpful for you.
I'm the one with the 2 situations: First of all ,
thank you Maryln. Actually the step son has come to me. He has told me he can't stand they way he's being treated by both parents. I told him he could come live with me if he ever wanted to and that they should not speak to him that way. He is 13 years old. Was I wrong?
I think I misunderstood your first posting. I thought you meant your son's wife was verbally abusive to your son, her husband. Can you explain a little more of the situation.
I think I misunderstood your first posting. I thought you meant your son's wife was verbally abusive to your son, her husband. Can you explain a little more of the situation.
My son's wife had a son when she married my son. Then they had 2 of their own, a boy and girl. Her son is being abused verbally by my daughter in law and my son, but most of all by her. She lies to my son about us (his family). He "chooses" to side with her even though she's "evil" (for lack of words). If I say anything to her or my son, I think he'll disown us.
To the woman who suspects verbal abuse:
If you believe there is verbal abuse in the family, report it to DHS and give them specifics. Be cautious how you do this. It is easy sometimes to let feelings color facts, and your goal always needs to be to gain a relationship that is loving with your son, daughter-in-law, and your grandchildren.
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